I think perhaps my public commitment to blogging more often may have jinxed me. Since I did that, the [insert your favorite word for excrement] has really hit the fan around the ol’ homestead here. Within just a few days of my last post, my son was in critical condition and spent four days in the ICU, then was transferred to another hospital, where he remains as of now. It’s another one of those things I can’t talk about. However, I think it’s something I may go ahead and talk about soon. I am considering how to go about it, since it hardly seems like anyone can have even the slightest picture of my life recently without some discussion of this issue. To blog about my life and not talk about this borders on the ridiculous, because this matter has overtaken my world for the last few months.
At the same time, there’s been major drama going on at home with my college-age foster son. Major. The kind of stuff that has the potential to tear my family apart – not that we wouldn’t recover, but no one wants that to happen. Except, perhaps, my foster son himself. I guess it’s not fair to say he wants it to happen, but it is fair to say that he does not care how his actions and decisions impact the family. But right now – right at this current time – I will not allow my family to be torn apart. My son needs a cohesive and tight and supportive family unit to come home to from the hospital. And for that reason, I am battling my foster son and his decisions every step of the way. He can do as he pleases at some later time – he is, after all, a legal adult – but right now I’m pulling out all the stops to keep him in line. It’s all much more complicated than I have time to go into right now, but it’s an ongoing battle that I am determined to win. When my son comes home, it will be to a peaceful, unified family without drama. And I will play every card I have to make that happen.
With all of this going on, there was a period of time where I felt as though I’d collapse under the strain of it all. I did start to lose it. Went through a period of being very emotional, crying at the drop of a hat, losing sleep, etc. But then my foster son and I got into a very nasty argument, and that argument actually served as a challenge to me. The gauntlet had been thrown down, so to speak. I am not a weak person; I am a strong, adult woman who has been through many trials in life and I will not let this cause me to lose control. I looked at my office wall, where there hangs a tea towel that someone once sent me. It has words printed on it: “Put on your big girl panties and deal with it.” And so I did. I straightened up my back, told myself, “There’s no crying in baseball” (some of you may get that reference and some may not – I understand this is not baseball – LOL), and got my second wind. Or maybe it’s my twenty-second wind, I don’t know. But I’m feeling strong right now and I will handle this. All of it. For my son, for my family, and for myself. I’m a tough gal. Sometimes I just have to remember that.
This is all I have time for today, but when I figure out how to approach certain subjects, I will tell more about them. In the mean time, the tough broad in me is taking over. I am woman, hear me roar. And all that jazz.